Maniacly Challenged - Bipolar

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Getting High : Mania

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 13:33:10 -0500

Superman has nothing on me. Strength, speed, energy, and even flight are all mine. The world speaks to me, the weather responds to my emotions. The whole of existance is carefully planned play to entertain and torture me. I am the center, I am the best, and I'm not so sure that I didn't actually create it all to begin with. High on mania, the world is a play, a play that stars me.

My Admission

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 10:30:07 -0500

Hello All,

Well, to cut right to the chase: I have spent the last five days in the Holly Hills psyc. rehabilitation center being diagnosed and treated for rapid-cycle bipolar disorder with severe manic psychosis (anyone that interested can look it up on the web). In layman’s terms, I’ve been progressively more and more messed up over the last year (quitting sports, staying up for days at a time, spending a week on my couch, lighting cars on fire, etc.). Ok, the last one was a joke, hopefully, but the point is I have had a problem and just figured out how to treat it.

Conflictedly Living

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 13:33:40 -0500

When a person says they are conflicted, they are usually talking about one specific disagreement in their decision making. Stop or go. Left or right. Yes or no. Chicken or fish. Decisions are a part of everyday life. Generally speaking, our decisions begin when we put our feet on the floor rather than hit the snooze button again and end when we get back into bed rather than watch another rerun of I Love Lucy on Nick at Nite. Now, it may be me being a drama queen, which is not entirely out of the question, but it seems that the general population has a much easier time with these conflicts than I. I’m not talking about the little decisions, the routine, the mundane. I can drag myself out of bed with the best of them. I show up to my job on a regular basis. I brush my teeth. I pay my taxes and look both ways when I cross the street. The proverbial daily grind is not my dilemma. No, my issue is with the bigger questions in life. Actually, my issue is my life, and my life is my issue, and my issue is my conflicts, and my conflict is my life. Or maybe it’s that my issues conflict with my life, or that my life conflicts with my conflicts, or that my conflicts conflict with my issues. This is all very complicated.

Mixed Moods : When Minds Collide

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 13:32:28 -0500

There is this place, not between manic and depressed, but filled with both. A color like green, that is not primary, but a mix of blue and yellow. A note that you only hear when you play A and C# together, not a B or Bb or B# - not between the notes, something that is unique that comes out when they are played at the same time. This chord, this color, this mood is a mixed mood. A hidden mood colored with the sadness and bleakness of depression, but flavored with the energy and excitement of mania. This mood, more dangerous than either alone, is just not simple to notice, and the term "bipolar disorder" insinuates that the two moods are always seperate. There is this place, this hidden mood, that I am stewing.

Depression : a view from below

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 13:32:50 -0500

Everybody gets depressed. That's just how it is. We all know how it feels to mourn the loss of somebody or something, to feel cheated, beaten down, or completely rejected. We are all familiar with feeling so sad that you don't want to crawl out of bed. Mood disorders are interesting. You can be in the best place in the world, loved by your family and friends, successful in your job and relationships, and surrounded by your success; and yet you feel just like your dog died, wife left, and your truck won't start. Even though no "event" has triggered the emotion, you feel it just the same. It's a real emotion, a real feeling, a real depression; but you can't explain why. No way to console yourself, or find the bright side of the situation

What is Bipolar Disorder

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 21:11:38 -0500

It was once called "Manic Depression", and it is so closely linked with creativity and genius that is is universally recognized as the picture of the scientist, artist, or musician that has gone mad. Dr Jeckel and Mr. Hyde. This stereotype is horribly flawed, giving the impression of "split personalities", and has created the need for a new term. This new term is "Bipolar Disorder", though it also gives the impression of two seperate places. Mania and depression can occur seperately, but can also occur together; a condition that is more dangerous than either alone. There are several types of the disorder that group the symptoms by severity and length of affliction. The individual that has bipolar disorder will not always be manic or depressed, but the moods can come at any time. Some people are temped to say that everybody has this to some degree or another, but there is a marked difference between true emotional response and a bipolar episode.

To Medicate or Not To Medicate

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 13:34:46 -0500

Once I came to terms with being "mentally ill", the obvious second question is treatment. Medically speaking, there is no real treatment, only drugs that can help treat the symptoms. No series of drugs will cure bipolar disorder. Medical science just does not understand the mechanism that is causing these strange states of mind. The diagnosis of bipolar disorder is, in the end of the exam, the decision of the patient. The determining factor : "Do your mood swings interfere with your ability to have a normal life ?". Some drugs can prevent the symptoms, which can change the answer to this question. So, do I pop those pills or don't I ?

Don't call me Crazy

Mon, 24 May 2004 02:55:26 -0500

Our language constantly evolves, that's a wonderful thing. Words change meanings as our culture matures. Words have a definition, and a connotation. One such word, that I hear constantly, is "Crazy". What a diverse word - with nearly as many uses as the f word. In fact, it is used in combination with other "colorful" language all the time. Sometimes it is even considered a polite replacement for a derogatory word. But mostly it is used to describe a person or action that makes little sense.

I think that "Crazy" is about one of the most offensive words that our culture uses. It rings of a time where the mentally ill were locked in padded rooms and given electroshock therapy at the slightest erratic behaviour. To some it may mean nothing more than "Affected with madness; insane", but to those of us that have been discriminated against, it hurts just as much as the "n" word (and as snoop said "nizzle don't mean neighbor").

Maniacly Challenged

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 13:29:40 -0500

No, I didn't spell maniacally wrong. This isn't about being a maniac, its' about being challenged with mania :

ma·ni·a·cal ( P ) Pronunciation Key (m-n-kl) also ma·ni·ac (mn-k) adj.

Suggestive of or afflicted with insanity: a maniacal frenzy.

Characterized by excessive enthusiasm or excitement: a maniacal interest in gambling.

ma·ni·a ( P ) Pronunciation Key (mn-, mny) n.

An excessively intense enthusiasm, interest, or desire; a craze: a mania for neatness.

A manifestation of bipolar disorder, characterized by profuse and rapidly changing ideas, exaggerated sexuality, gaiety, or irritability, and decreased sleep.

I want to underline the difference between mania and insanity. Why must, even in the dictionary, maniacal be followed with frenzy ? I want try to break down some of the common misconceptions about mental illness. They say there is a fine line between genius and insanity. They say it for good reason